Spring Break, some call it the greatest week of their lives and others consider it to be highly overrated. I went on Spring Break once in my life, and even though it did not live up to its hype it was a solid trip that is totally worth experiencing. Spring Break was also the first time I ever had tequila. The following is a story about the highly disputed first ever appearance of McMandy. Some say the first time I transformed into McMandy was when I punched a hole in Pro’s wall at a New Years Eve party, and got tossed out. The difference between that night and this story is that I remember that entire humiliating ordeal unfortunately. However as far as the events that occurred on the day booze cruise, I still have no memory of what the fuck happened.
It is senior year of high school I am officially finished with high school sports and looking to let loose for the first time in my life. What better way to do this than by going to the Bahamas on Spring Break with about half my grade. There’s this program GradCity, basically the high school version of StudentCity that helped organize Spring Break trips for huge groups of kids looking to get shithammered and hook up with each other for a whole week. So I signed up, this seemed to shock the girl who was organizing it mainly because I was a straight edged guy back then. Yeah I still can’t believe what I’ve become, I didn’t even drink back in high school, I was motivated, a hard worker, and I liked people. Things change huh?
Before I know it Spring Break was upon us, and we fly out to the mother fucking Bahamas. As soon as we get through customs there was a $1 shot bar, so naturally everyone got shots immediately. That’s basically how it was there, alcohol everywhere, it was very legit. It is true that if you were under 18 you didn’t get served at the hotel bar, but there was a cheap liquor store close by that everyone just went to instead. So regardless of the “tough” restriction on 17 year old drinking, the booze was constantly flowing. Either in the hotel rooms, the hotel lobby, the beach, the shitter, or wherever…booze was ALWAYS present, not to mention girls drunk and in bikinis everywhere. Pretty fucking cool huh.
The second day there, we are told about the option of going snorkeling out in the ocean. I’ve never been snorkeling and the water was to beautiful not to try it, also how many fucking times am I in the Bahamas…never. What makes this story worth telling is that this snorkel cruise also was a booze cruise, in the middle of the afternoon. So when pitched the question, “Hey Andy you want to go snorkeling, and then get wasted on the boat afterwards?” I simply answer, “Fuck yes”.
So we take a shuttle to the dock and there is the boat. It was some little fucking thing, not a visually stunning boat by any stretch of the imagination, that isn’t important though. The fact that the whole thing was only $5 is. Let me translate, this meant only $5 for snorkeling, food, and yes all the sacred liquor one can drink. For my cheap Jewish ass this was the greatest deal known to man.
The cruise begins, with only one rule; if you drink right away you can’t go snorkeling. So with the exception of a few nobody began drinking until after we went snorkeling. Snorkeling was a cool experience the water was crystal clear, I felt schools of small fishes swimming by my legs, and overall it was very relaxing. This would be my only sober experiences of the day from that point on.
As soon as we got back on the boat, the boozing commenced. Bahama Mommas, and Pineapple Screwdrivers where being guzzled down nonstop by myself and everyone on board, so has you can imagine the level of intoxication was intense, yet still tranquil. It wasn’t until the DJ saw me that shit got crazy for me.
I walked downstairs to the bar with some friends, and the DJ announces a challenge for everyone to drink as many drinks as they possibly can, and as fast as possible. Being the competitor that I am I accept this challenge and continue to pound down Pineapple Screwdrivers at an accelerant rate. After this “contest” I’m staggering, definitely shithammered, and that’s when it happened. Seeing me barley being able to stand on my own two feet, the DJ encourages me to do double shots of tequila and vodka. Entering combatant drinking mode for the first time in my life, I accept this proposal and pound down about 4 shots each of vodka and tequila in about 3 minutes. Looking back the stuff was weak, and in small shot glasses/cups, but regardless I never drank that much before that day and after chugging a celebratory Bahama Mamma in front of everybody because I wanted to feel cool…everything went blank.
When I came to, I was on a beach violently puking. I was being taken care of by some girls I was friends with. I had no idea what the fuck was going on, I felt like pure shit, it didn’t seem real, I thought I was dreaming. After my stomach acids engulfed all of the sand around me, I was taken back on the boat. We get back to our hotel and it was there, that I was given the details about what I did during my first blackout.
Now I like to state that I am still not 100% sure if this was true or not, but isn’t that always the case when you blackout. Anyway apparently, when the boat let us out on this random beach I tried to start a fight with the water. Yes I Andy Mark attempted to have a one on one fist fight with the fucking ocean. Next I proceeded to bawl like I did after the Yanks lost Game 7 of the 2001 World Series and tell everyone my “life’s story”. I still don’t know what the fuck that meant and no one would give me the details which I guess means it was pretty fucking bad and ignorance is bliss. Finally I pulled down the bikini bottom of a girl I was friend with in front of everyone. That one sucked for a few reasons:
I actually have no idea what to write after recapping this. All I can say is…fucking tequila
It is senior year of high school I am officially finished with high school sports and looking to let loose for the first time in my life. What better way to do this than by going to the Bahamas on Spring Break with about half my grade. There’s this program GradCity, basically the high school version of StudentCity that helped organize Spring Break trips for huge groups of kids looking to get shithammered and hook up with each other for a whole week. So I signed up, this seemed to shock the girl who was organizing it mainly because I was a straight edged guy back then. Yeah I still can’t believe what I’ve become, I didn’t even drink back in high school, I was motivated, a hard worker, and I liked people. Things change huh?
Before I know it Spring Break was upon us, and we fly out to the mother fucking Bahamas. As soon as we get through customs there was a $1 shot bar, so naturally everyone got shots immediately. That’s basically how it was there, alcohol everywhere, it was very legit. It is true that if you were under 18 you didn’t get served at the hotel bar, but there was a cheap liquor store close by that everyone just went to instead. So regardless of the “tough” restriction on 17 year old drinking, the booze was constantly flowing. Either in the hotel rooms, the hotel lobby, the beach, the shitter, or wherever…booze was ALWAYS present, not to mention girls drunk and in bikinis everywhere. Pretty fucking cool huh.
The second day there, we are told about the option of going snorkeling out in the ocean. I’ve never been snorkeling and the water was to beautiful not to try it, also how many fucking times am I in the Bahamas…never. What makes this story worth telling is that this snorkel cruise also was a booze cruise, in the middle of the afternoon. So when pitched the question, “Hey Andy you want to go snorkeling, and then get wasted on the boat afterwards?” I simply answer, “Fuck yes”.
So we take a shuttle to the dock and there is the boat. It was some little fucking thing, not a visually stunning boat by any stretch of the imagination, that isn’t important though. The fact that the whole thing was only $5 is. Let me translate, this meant only $5 for snorkeling, food, and yes all the sacred liquor one can drink. For my cheap Jewish ass this was the greatest deal known to man.
The cruise begins, with only one rule; if you drink right away you can’t go snorkeling. So with the exception of a few nobody began drinking until after we went snorkeling. Snorkeling was a cool experience the water was crystal clear, I felt schools of small fishes swimming by my legs, and overall it was very relaxing. This would be my only sober experiences of the day from that point on.
As soon as we got back on the boat, the boozing commenced. Bahama Mommas, and Pineapple Screwdrivers where being guzzled down nonstop by myself and everyone on board, so has you can imagine the level of intoxication was intense, yet still tranquil. It wasn’t until the DJ saw me that shit got crazy for me.
I walked downstairs to the bar with some friends, and the DJ announces a challenge for everyone to drink as many drinks as they possibly can, and as fast as possible. Being the competitor that I am I accept this challenge and continue to pound down Pineapple Screwdrivers at an accelerant rate. After this “contest” I’m staggering, definitely shithammered, and that’s when it happened. Seeing me barley being able to stand on my own two feet, the DJ encourages me to do double shots of tequila and vodka. Entering combatant drinking mode for the first time in my life, I accept this proposal and pound down about 4 shots each of vodka and tequila in about 3 minutes. Looking back the stuff was weak, and in small shot glasses/cups, but regardless I never drank that much before that day and after chugging a celebratory Bahama Mamma in front of everybody because I wanted to feel cool…everything went blank.
When I came to, I was on a beach violently puking. I was being taken care of by some girls I was friends with. I had no idea what the fuck was going on, I felt like pure shit, it didn’t seem real, I thought I was dreaming. After my stomach acids engulfed all of the sand around me, I was taken back on the boat. We get back to our hotel and it was there, that I was given the details about what I did during my first blackout.
Now I like to state that I am still not 100% sure if this was true or not, but isn’t that always the case when you blackout. Anyway apparently, when the boat let us out on this random beach I tried to start a fight with the water. Yes I Andy Mark attempted to have a one on one fist fight with the fucking ocean. Next I proceeded to bawl like I did after the Yanks lost Game 7 of the 2001 World Series and tell everyone my “life’s story”. I still don’t know what the fuck that meant and no one would give me the details which I guess means it was pretty fucking bad and ignorance is bliss. Finally I pulled down the bikini bottom of a girl I was friend with in front of everyone. That one sucked for a few reasons:
1. I felt really bad because at the time I considered myself good friends with her
2. I looked like a complete perverted asshole (which I am)
3. Of all times to pull something as ballsy as that I don’t even remember it, or how her ass looked.
I actually have no idea what to write after recapping this. All I can say is…fucking tequila
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