I've always hated these things, I always thought that blogs were just another way for pricks to voice their demented opinions about crap I didn't give a fuck about. However after reading some of my friends blogs, and sports blogs like KSK and Barstool, I have a change of heart. This blog contains stories from my life for the sole purpose of entertainment. All these stories are true and only the names have been changed. Also I do not believe in censorship, so if you're offended by strong language consider this a warning. So if your bored as fuck wherever you are and you come across this blog I hope it entertains you. Otherwise why the fuck are you reading it?

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Possibly the Luckiest Night of My Life

Labor Day weekend freshman year, it was a Sunday night and we had Monday off so naturally I was down to get fucking shithammered. I had just gotten a text from a friend I met at orientation about this party downtown. I haven't seen the guy all year so I was down to go. I was roommates with Harry at the time and originally he was going to come with. We get to the bus stop at about  11:00 pm and to our surprise the buses stop running at like 10:30 on Sundays. What can I say, we were freshmen, only 2 weeks in, and needless to say we didn't know shit. After becoming aware of this unfortunate fact Harry bailed, I found out later that he actually had plans with his future girlfriend who lived on our floor so I can't hate.

So there I am by myself, still with the desire to go downtown and get wasted like the energetic freshmen I once was. While standing around trying to figure out how the hell I was going to get downtown, I over hear this group of guys talking about a party they were trying to get to. Coincidentally this was the same exact party I was trying to go to. I introduce myself, let them know I was heading for the same destination as them, and I asked them if I can join their ride to the party. Surprisingly they were cool with this a let me ride along.

While we were waiting for the ride a drunk slutty looking girl named Bonnie walks up to us and asks how we were getting downtown. Random Dude #1 tells her about the ride and she joins our crew. A car pulls up and Random Dude #1 informs us this is our ride. We pile into the car and Bonnie ends up sitting on my lap which I find awesome because she was thin and had a nice ass. The entire ride downtown Bonnie was giving me an unintentional lap dance and it was spectacular. The dude who was driving the car starts asking Bonnie and me questions since he didn't know us and naturally he wanted to know what random people he was driving downtown for free. Once he hears that Bonnies' name is actually Bonnie he demands to see her ID to verify this was her name. I don't know why but for some reason he found this absolutely fucking hilarious. After that he asked me if my name was Clyde and that was what everyone called me for the rest of the night. I do think it’s worth mentioning that the dude driving was really drunk and upon realization of this fact I was scared shitless for the entire ride.

By some miracle we make it downtown to the party without dying. We all go into the party except for Bonnie who wandered off to some bar. Once we get there I start texting my friend from orientation but he doesn't answer me. Meanwhile the party starts emptying out except for the guys I came in with and a decent number of random people. The party began to clear out because apparently the beer was gone. This was an example of being at the right place at the right time because just has the first crowd of people left two dudes come up the stairs with a full keg. Since so many people left the small group of us who remained received full access to this surplus of beer. Everyone got to do multiple keg stands and our cups were always full it was legit.

There was this one girl, Jen, she was a Junior at Albany, and I felt that she was into me, so I talked to her for most of the night. About 8 beers and a keg stand later I was drunk but still coherent to keep up a conversation with her. We walk outside the kitchen and she gives me that look. I'm talking about that look where once you see it you know you‘re one move away from getting some ass. I am proud to say I pulled off one of the smoother moves I've ever done. I was wearing a Yankee hat and I turned it to the side, This is how the following conversation went

Jen: "Why did you turn your hat that way? You think you’re cool"

Me: "Nah it’s so I can do this"

(I move in and start hooking up with her)

Jen: "Let's go outside"

This was my first hookup at Albany and Jen was one of the hotter girls I've ever hooked up with. Naturally I felt like I was on top of the world. We go outside and continue to make out. I'm biting her neck, feeling and kissing her tits which I say were about a B cup, she's grabbing my ass, rubbing my back. It was incredible a solid way to start my college days. Things are going great until her friends come over, and like the cockblocking bitches a girl's friends can be they pull her away and leave the party, fuck.

So I go back upstairs just to find out that the guys who I came with were fucking gone and I am now by myself at the party. The way I felt was probably pretty similar to how Ethan Hawke felt in Training Day, when he finds out Denzel Washington left him at that house alone with the drug dealers who then try to murder him. Well maybe not quite like that but still I was starting to get scared. Fortunately for me I find a friendly group of girls and start talking to them. They're freshmen too, they tell me they were about to leave and head to another party and I was welcomed to come with them. Thank God.

As we head to the party I start feeling a little drunker and start stumbling on the street still following the girls. There are some fucked up sidewalks in downtown Albany and I would become well aware of this when I trip and face plant on the fucking concrete. However because alcohol tends to numb my face I feel little pain and get right back up. Luckily none of the girls saw this and I was able to keep up. We then get to the party and its pretty chill. They had a bunch of keystone cans in the fridge and there were a good number of people there. I then notice this one really attractive Latina chick and I start macking on her. While I was talking to her the girls I went into the party with tell me they were catching a cab and asked if I was going back to campus with them. Thinking I was totally going to bang hot Latin chick I respectfully decline. BAD MOVE.

Once the girls leave I continue to talk to the hot Latin chick until she informs me she is still in high school, lived at home with her parents’ downtown and had a boyfriend. My stomach sanked, I knew two things after being told this, the odds of me fucking her went out the goddamn window, and I had no one to go back to campus with. I was a freshmen I had no idea of any cab numbers, I knew nobody who lived downtown and the one thing people always told me was being downtown by yourself late night was the quickest way to get  robbed and murdered.

It's 4 AM I stumble out of the house onto the streets of downtown Albany fucked up and alone. This may have been the scariest experience of my life. I was on the verge of tears from fear as I made my way down the street. However the streets were deserted and the cops were up the block from me breaking up a party so the risk of getting stabbed was somewhat lowered. Then thankfully a cab drives down the street and I was able to flag it down. I jump in pay him the 5 bucks to drive my dumbass back to campus and somehow get back to my dorm unharmed. I usually have shitty luck, but that night lady luck was on my side and basically gave me head.

I never heard from Jen or anybody else I met that night. As for the friend I was supposed to meet up with after orientation it turned out he puked about 5 times that night and had to be carried out before I even got to the house. That morning I woke up to find cuts and scratches on my hands and face from wiping out on the street. It's been 4 years now and even though I've had some memorable and shithammered nights here at Albany, I haven’t had a night like that since.

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