When we got to Dukes bar I realized two things. First this was a completely different crowd; instead of a mix college crowd made up of mainly stoners this place was full of other older comics and older people from Glenmont. Second I couldn’t do my jokes on shitty rest stops off the highway in the middle of fucking nowhere because that was basically what Dukes was except with two smoking hot waitresses I really wanted to fuck.
The host whom I’ll call Kirby split the four of us up throughout the show. I went third, Blanka went seventh, Burgundy went ninth and Urkel basically went last.
Before I knew it I was on stage in front of a new crowd and I had no idea what to expect. Still feeling shitty about my last act I decided to just go with the routine I did 1st time out. I managed a few laughs and felt like I did better than that previous night but still I wasn’t able to top my 1st performance. Blanka and Burgundy repeated their acts from the night before. Blanka got a pretty decent reaction and Burgundy basically got the same reaction he did that previous night. Then it was Urkel’s turn to perform. Straight up the kid bombed. The entire time he was up there, he looked like he was a second away from grabbing a knife and slitting his wrists; honestly it was painful to watch.
We left Dukes shortly after Urkel’s performance. It was kind of a quite ride back mainly because we feared that Urkel was going to jump out of the car while we were on the highway. That was the last time we performed with him, I guess he’s still hosting the SUNY Albany open mic but who knows and I really don’t care. We went to Dukes one last time as a crew before the year ended. It was during finals week and I was fucking drained of all life. However Burgundy is a persuasive motherfucker. He convinced me to come with him and Blanka to Dukes for one final stand up performance for the year. I’m not making excuses but this was the last thing I wanted to do, but I knew if I didn’t go I would regret it.
So there we were back at Dukes and this time it’s just the three of us, we sign up and go in basically the same order we’ve gone all along. While we were all waiting to go on one of the regular comedians pulls me aside and tries to give me advice about standup. I can’t lie I really wasn’t paying attention to him while he rambled on about God knows what. This can be due to the fact that I have college kid ADD and the Yanks were on the TV right behind the guy. Mark Teixeira just slapped a 3 run homer over the faggot Boston Red Sox too so I was solely focused on that display of awesomeness. Also I was too tired to give a shit what the guy had to say. While this was going on Kirby cornered Blanka and was kissing his ass about his last performance like Blanka was Mr. Burns and Kirby was Walen Smithers. Burgundy and I were (and still are) pretty sure that Kirby realllllly wanted to blow Blanka or at least that what it seemed like.
After those awkward events the show started and just like that I was back on stage. I pretty much improv’d my entire act with potential material I had stored in my head. I think I got maybe two laughs tops, it was a pretty pathetic display but hey like I said at that point in time I did not give a fuck about doing well. Blanka went on next and he had one of the most disgusting and fucked up routines I’ve ever seen I mean we found it hilarious but still he was talking about some pretty fucked up shit. Countless times during his act Burgundy and I just look at each other and was only able to utter the shocked words “damn dude”. Burgundy went at the end of the show and I’m pretty sure waiting that long to perform struck a nerve. He opened up with just a battery of insults towards almost everyone who went on before him. Now Burgundy can be an asshole and one of his best asshole talents is ripping on people and let me tell you, the guy was fucking owning everyone he targeted. Everyone in the crowd was fucking dying of laughter. Unfortunately once he went into his routine the crowd basically went quite. The moral of the story here is to stick with your strengths. If it’s either insulting people or making fun of yourself, STICK to what you are best at.
So this concludes my experience in the world of standup comedy. I regretfully admit that to this day I haven’t done any standup since that night at Dukes. Burgundy and Blanka performed one more time at Dukes and that was the last time I ever heard about either of them going. We planned on doing more standup over the summer but it just never happened. It truly does suck that I haven’t performed for so long, but what can I say. Sometimes your priorities change over time and you find yourself unable to accomplish everything you set out to. I do hope to one day return to the stage because I can honestly say performing comedy is one of the most redeeming and fulfilling things I have ever done in my life.
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