If you go to Albany and are under 21 then you have undoubtedly been to, or have heard of Chubbys. My freshman year I was able to get in with a chalked permit that said I was the same age as CC Sabathia. They really did not give a fuck back then, come to think of it Albany didn’t give a fuck back then either, wow do I miss those days and glad I'm 21 now. Anyways Chubbys was one of the most popular underage bars in town, my friends and I practically lived there freshman year. We have had many eventful nights at that hole in the wall, tiny tavern, but I would like to share the story of one of my more embarrassing nights.
Freshman year first semester, a rare night where I wasn’t out with the usual Montauk crew but instead decided to head downtown to Chubbys with a guy I was friends with at the time, Ging. I did plan on meeting some other friends from the third floor of Montauk hall that night but wanted to start early. Ging was down to start the night with me at Chubbys because like me he was a binge/early drinker enthusiast. He however was going to leave at like 11 to meet up with his other friends elsewhere, so we weren’t going to be drinking together the whole night. At the time I didn’t care because I thought my friends were going to meet me at Chubbys around that time anyway. This was a point in my life where I was optimistic about my friend’s commitment to plans.
Ging and I get to Chubbys at around 9 and begin pounding down beer. Chubbys is known for their cheap drink and beer specials, that night was $2 pitcher night. The other thing Chubbys is known for, is the low quality of their beer and drinks. I mean the majority of their customers were underage college students who would drink anything with alcohol in it so why would they waste money on top shelf booze. Case in point the beer they had on tap for $2 pitcher night was Keystone and Busch. It took me my entire freshman year to develop a tolerance for the repulsive taste of Keystone light, and to this day I will refuse to drink Busch beer, so needless to say each pitcher was a battle to take down. However having Ging there meant I had a partner to fight the good fight with me and drink these disgusting pitchers. If you’re asking yourself why the fuck would anybody do this, the answer to this question is quite simple. We were freshman, we didn’t drink because of how much we enjoyed the taste of beer, we drank to get fucking wasted and for that sole reason alone.
Anyway with Ging there drinking with me, these pitchers were tolerable at best. Plus like I said, back then we had no qualms about ignoring our taste buds or stomachs and were able to keep on buying cheap pitcher after cheap pitcher. After about 4 pitchers between the two us, and every random slutty looking girl whose cup I refilled so I could stare at their chest for a few seconds and flirt with them, we were starting to feel pretty drunk. Ging took a look at his phone and realized he was running late to meet his friends so he understandably left the bar. My friends however did not show up yet and weren’t answering my dyslexic text messages. This worried me, so what did I do? Buy more fucking pitchers of shitty beer. I think I had maybe a pitcher and a half to myself before I blacked out.
Due to the lack of witnesses, I do not know for certain if McMandy made an appearance which really doesn’t matter. What does matter was the fact that I yacked all over the place and was forcibly removed from the premises. I remember still puking all over the streets while I drunkenly wobbled towards the bus stop, with the bouncer yelling at me to go the fuck home. I was not the only one heading to the bus stop from Chubbys that time so technically I was not alone. Therefore I was able to make it back to campus alive.
I found out the next day that my friends ended up going to a different bar with other people on the floor, and just couldn’t reach me that night, which probably was bullshit but whatever. We did all decide to go out together that next night because it was our friend Soulja’s last night living on our floor. Where does Soulja want to spend his final night out with us?…Chubbys. Now there was no way I was not going to go out with everyone for Soulja’s farewell night, but I literally covered that fucking place with parts of my stomach the night before. I made the decision that I would go to Chubbys with everyone and see if I would get in. If they rejected me because of my actions the other night I would just have to go home alone, and be sober for a night. A high risk high reward situation and I was down.
We all get to Chubbys and to my surprise they let me in like any usual night which was a very relieving outcome. This did not mean that the bouncers had forgotten about my antics from the previous night. What I had overlooked was the fact that people constantly puke at and inside of Chubbys, so this was a normal thing to them. One of the bouncers who was present the night of my vomiting spectacle decided to give my friends and I a detailed summary.
Big Black Bouncer: You were fucked up man
Me: Yeah I know
Big Black Bouncer: Yeah you were like a fucking human fire hose in here. This corner BLAHHHHHHHH, that corner BLAHHHHHHHHHH!!, outside BLAHHHHHHHH!!!, on this girls shoes BLAHHHHHHH!!, a fucking fire hose man I’m telling you
Me: (while all my friends laugh at me hysterically) fuck my life
Big Black Bouncer: It’s all good man, made my night, you short drunk ass mutha fucka.
For the rest of the night my friends called me “the fire hose”, it was a humbling experience and one I’m able to look back on and laugh. This is just one story from our nights out at Chubbys and I would like to dedicate this post to that wonderful place of intoxicated fun. I am sad to say that Chubbys has had their liquor license suspended and will most likely be closed for quite some time. Rest in peace Chubbys, one of the finer establishments I’ve ever had the privilege of projectile vomiting in.
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