I started working my first full time job the first day of August. It sucked some serious man cock my first two weeks. My mind was so fucking warped at that time, that the first night I got drunk after a day of work, I threatened to burn Fat’s face with this chick’s cigarette. Then again that was mainly because he was welting on a bet to drive my drunk ass to Taco Bell so that would have been my reaction regardless.
Anyways this job has had me working about 10 hours a day and sometimes Saturday but the money’s good and I’m a whore for the dollar so I deal. I have however found myself losing it at times, like yesterday I was trying to figure out how to methodically kill myself at the BJ’s kiosk I was stuck at all day. I had planned on connecting my belt to my tie, and hanging myself that way, but after flirting with some hot moms, the suicidal thoughts passed. That’s basically how my WORK day ended Friday, which was depressing when I look back to how it started out. My manager actually owned up to a bet he made with me earlier that week, which resulted in him buying me a bottle of Jack Daniels, needless to say it was a fantastic start to the day. Unfortunately this would be the sole high and highlight of my day, as this day would soon just get shittier and shittier. The shit-storm began rolling in when my department head pulled up the numbers from Thursday. I thought I was set to have a big day, because I had a lot of appointments going out that day. To make a long story short my job is to go around places like BJ’s and successfully set up people with appointments for free estimates on their windows or roofs, if the appointment (which will be referred to as “sets” for now on) takes place, and demos I make commission. I had four going out on Thursday and NONE of them demoed. This really pissed me off, but that’s just the way it is at that job.
The torrential down pour of crap was just getting started, I was hoping they would put me in a location close to home on a Friday, some place like Freeport. You know where they stuck me that day? Riverhead, the worst fucking location there is. Riverhead licked nuts for two reasons; First off you can’t walk around the store talking to customers casually, because you’re basically chained to a company kiosk at the exit of the store, which makes it a bitch to set people up. And second Riverhead is all the way at the end of the FUCKING LIE, and takes about an hour to get to. So I head out there a little bit agitated yet still optimistic. I didn’t get a single set not one. I was there till fucking 730 and then decided to give up and bounced. Now I am physically exhausted, extremely disappointed and motivated to completely finish my free bottle of Jack Daniels that night.
I invite the guys over to drink and hopefully head out to a bar the last night before the hurricane hits. Once I got home I see my mom packing a ton of shit up and talking about evacuating. Now the shit-storm that was my day has turned into a Category 5 shit-hurricane. I try to calm my mom down and assure her the news was blowing the storm out of proportion. This rush of logical reassurance worked temporarily, until my town gets issued a mandatory evacuation an hour later. That was it that was the final straw; my mom insisted that we leave for my cousins place upstate, for the next two days.
We get up the crack of dawn the next morning, pack all our shit up, try to flood proof the house, keep all the electronics elevated, and then finally flee from my home. It is official I am a refugee, should of known all those Hurricane Katrina jokes would come back to haunt me. By the time I post this I’ll know if I have a home left, or if this was simply the most overhyped storm of all time. All I know is as of now I am a mother fucking refugee.
I wrote the above bit on Saturday morning, it’s now Sunday night and the storm is over. There was some major damage in parts of my town but my house remained unharmed. Ironically my cousin’s house where we were staying at had a power outage. I found out that my house never lost power, so basically the place we evacuated to was worse off than my house. This motivated my dad and I to leave a day earlier than we planned to while my mom stayed. It also led to what was one of the most epic ride homes I have ever had. That however is a story for another day.
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